your thong is hanging out like whoa
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
