Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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