apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
