The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
