I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
