How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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