are you so shy because you have an std?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
