I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
