she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
