Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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