I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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