4 words: hood of his car
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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