There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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