I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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