is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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