i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
