I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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