it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
