Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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