dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
