I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
