it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
