saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
