my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
