walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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