okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
