i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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