In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
