Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
