I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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