Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
