If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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