I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
