Cold hands, warm shart.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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