remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
