So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
