I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
