Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is Oprah even human
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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