A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
