o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
