Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
