i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
