Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
