a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
