problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
