is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
