She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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