apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
