I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
