well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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