i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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