my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
