Got a toothbrush?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
