Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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