This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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