I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
