the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
