"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
