Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
